Barney poems 101

It was the night before new year's
and the weather grew mean.
It was 3:00 in the morning
and I was stranded in queens.
The tavern grew empty
the gas lights grew dim.
The horse-drawn carriages
were all but snowed in...
Last call was approaching
and my fortunes looked bleak.
Then I turned to my left
and stifled a shriek.
She had a peach fuzz beard
and weighed 16 stone.
She gobbled up hot wings
and swallowed the bones.
I muffled a scream
and threw up in my mouth.
I asked, "Where do you live?"
And she said, "One block south."
I swallowed my pride
and six shots of whiskey.
And prayed to the gods
that she wasn't too frisky
Back in her cave,
she prepared us a snack.
Neath her mighty hooves,
the floorboards did crack.
But when she returned,
she found a sound sleeper.
And thus she became
the Sexless Innkeeper